


Together

by Exotwicenctyaoiismylife



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Huang Ren Jun is Whipped, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan is Whipped, Lee Jeno & Na Jaemin Are Best Friends, Lee Jeno-centric, M/M, Multi, Na Jaemin is Whipped, Panic Attacks, Sad Lee Jeno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 15:02:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28655409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Exotwicenctyaoiismylife/pseuds/Exotwicenctyaoiismylife
Summary: Jeno has a bad day, but thankfully his boyfriends are there for him. Together they will solve everything.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Kudos: 35





	Together

It's been a hard day for Jeno, harder than he thought it would be when he woke up in the morning. Sure, they had dance practice and lunch after that, but their afternoon was supposed to be free, and he had already planned to spend it with his boyfriends, not like this. Not like having to stay behind for a little chat with their manager and then going to the studio, so that he could start working on a new song, which he promised to do so, but only after today. Well, seems like manager hyung wasn't having it.

So that's why he's currently sitting in front of a desk with a piece of paper in front of him, hoping that sooner or later he will have the inspiration to start writing. He has just cancelled his date with Renjun, Jaemin and Donghyuck (his boyfriends) and he is having a hard time not to think about their disappointment, because they had been planning this day for ages. How they would go shopping after lunch and then go home to watch a sappy movie whit occasional make out sessions, but no, this would have been too easy, right? Instead, he's stuck here, with nothing but a stupid empty paper and a pen. Can this be any more frustrating?

Of course his telephone is constantly beeping, which is no surprise. He didn't really say anything specific why he cannot make it to their date, just that he needs to write a song as soon as possible, or else he will be in trouble. He hated that he has to cause them such pain, but there was nothing he could do. Maybe if he finishes what he hasn't even started yet he will be able to make it to the beginning of the film. Just maybe. So he starts working like there's no tomorrow and honestly he feels like it, too.

However, just as the first verse ends, he hears a ringtone, which belongs to Donghyuck's number, but he doesn't pick the phone up, not when he knows that answering to it means losing more time than he intended to in the first place. So he just ignores it, which he knows is a bad idea, because when Donghyuck is worried, nothing can stop him.

'You made not only him, but the others as well feel anxious. Do you really think that's how a loving boyfriend should do? Such a disappointment.' He hears a voice saying in his head and he thinks it's true. He cannot finish a song, he cannot be there to his boyfriends, he cannot dance their choreographies properly, he cannot sing, he cannot rap like he is supposed to be. Is there a thing he can do at all?

The next moments, just as the previous one hour or so pass in silence, except for the occasional calls and notifications. Jeno doesn't even notice when his hands start shaking, when he starts feeling so warm that he has to pull off his hoodie, when it starts being hard to breathe or when the first tear drops start falling from his eyes. Fuck, he really shouldn't be crying, let alone panicing right now, but he cannot stop himself. It's all too much.

'Such a crybaby. Do you honestly think that this will solve anything? Pathetic definition of human being you are.' Maybe he really is. 'Do you think Donghyuck, Renjun or even Jaemin would want you with them if they knew about your dark side? How you cannot accept yourself, but are too weak to do anything about it.' No, they wouldn't, they deserve better. 'That's right trash, they do. You shouldn't have lived for that long anyway.' No, I really shouldn't have, I'm sorry.

"Jeno."

"I'm sorry."

"Jeno-yah, look at me please."

"I ruined everything."

"No, baby, that's not true. Try to follow my breathing, sweetheart, please."

"Can't."

"Yes, you can, just focus on my voice, nothing else." An oh, does he try to, but he cannot. It's not real, they cannot be here, not after what he did to them.

"It's not real, you aren't here." He managed to say it between two sobs.

"Yes we are. See? It's Nana." And the next moment he knows he is face to face with Jaemin, or at least someone who looks like him, because it's not real, is it? "Jen. Baby, can you follow my breathing? Just slowly, in and out" He even demostrates it to him, so that he will have an easier job, but at first he really cannot. Just as he is ready to give up again, he hears another voice coming from his right side.

"Shhh, it's okay, you aren't alone, we are here." He looks to his side to see Donghyuck kneeling next to his chair and Renjun standing next to him, both looking at Jeno with worry in their eyes. "We got you puppy." This time it was Donghyuck who spoke up, and Jeno never was one to deny anything from him, so he turned back to Jaemin and tried to follow his breathing. In and out. It cannot be that hard, can it?

"That's it, you are doing magnificently baby." He heard Injunnie's voice in his ear, and a few minutes later he finally managed to calm down. He still didn't stop crying though, so the new moment he knew, his face was in the crook of Jaemin's neck, while his hands were desperately grasping the front of his sweatshirt. And then he cried. He cried until there were no tears to fall from his eyes.

"Are you exhausted, baby?" Jaemin asked, when Jeno stopped sniffling. The elder nodded to his shoulder, but didn't say anything. "Okay, we will go home and then you can rest. Sounds good?" Another nod. "Can you stand up or do I have to carry you?"

"I think I can, just hold me please." Jeno said hesitantly, in a weak voice.

"Always." Was Jaemin's only respond and then with his help, Jeno managed to stand up on his shaking legs. "Easy, we don't have to hurry anywhere, just take it slow."

"That's right, we won't run away anywhere without you, so don't worry." Renjun said while smiling sweetly at him and taking his other hand, which isn't thrown over Jaemin's shoulder and occupied by Donghyuck's fingers, into his.

~30 minutes later~

Jeno doesn't know how they finally managed to get to the dorm, but they eventually did and he couldn't have been more grateful for it. He just knows that the silence during their journey was so nerve-racking that he almost told them everything right there and then. Almost.

"Do you wanna shower, puppy? Or eat maybe? Do you need a glass of water?" Donghyuck asked him calmly, but with so much care in his voice that his heart immediately melted.

"Just water, please. Thank you, Hyuckie." He smiled at him with his typic eyesmile, and before he knew, the younger was out of his sight and then back again with a glass full of the liquid he asked for. He thanked his cute boyfriend again and then took the glass from him to start drinking it.

"Jen, baby. I know it must be hard for you, but you know that we have to talk about this." Jaemin said as they made it to their couch to sit down on it. For brief seconds Jeno was quiet. He hasn't told anybody about his problem yet, so it's a little hard for him to start opening up for the others. But he eventually did.

"I started having panic attacks after Mark graduated." There it is. He has been holding it for so long, that he feels so much lighter after staying it out loud. "At first they were unbearable, but then I managed to deal with them. It was just so much, you know? Like suddenly I became the unofficial leader of our group, which meant so much resonsibility, because I have to look after everyone of you. Then we became boyfriends and I wanted to spoil and take care of each one of you, while desperately trying to please the company's every command. And it was hard, but I could stand it, because you were with me. Today though was different. I mean, we have been planning this day for ages and I feel like I ruined everything. It started when manager hyung came up to me after we had finished our lunch and told me to start working on a new song for our comeback. At first I tried to say no, but at the end he did convince me, so I went to the studio, but I couldn't get anything done, because the only thought in my head was that I'm such a disappointment. Not just to the company, but also to you. That you deserve better. Eventually, I managed to write down the first verse of the song, but then the panic started. That's when you found me and you know the rest of the story." He couldn't bare himself to look up at their disappointed faces, because he has been hiding this for so long. He wouldn't even be surprised, if they said that it's over. Could he survived it? That's another matter.

For long minutes, which could have passed as hours, noone talked and the silence was getting on his neves. Just when Jeno decided to speak up again, he was pulled into a big hug by Renjun, who he didn't even notice was crying like Jaemin and Donghyuck. That's why he hasn't told them. He didn't want anybody's pity of how hard it must have been for him to go through all this alone. He chose to do it this way, so he faced the consequences alone, too. 'You are such a burden. Always hurting them. I hope you are happy with yourself.' It's true, just like the other things this voice said in his head. He is a burden to everybody. His boyfriends would be better off without him, as well as his other bandmates, the company, his family. Everybody.

"Don't." It was Jaemin's slightly hoarse voice that pulled him back to reality and when he locked eyes with his best friend, he found himself looking into two firm eyes. "Don't even think about being a burden to us or to anybody. No, don't try to deny it, I know you and I know that face. Jeno, baby, you are so precious to this world that it sometimes hurts. You are talented, kind, funny, intelligent, generous and honestly the best boyfriend we could have ever got. You are my best friend, too. I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for you, Donghyuck and Renjun."

"Yes, me neither." It was Donghyuck this time, who suddenly spoke up. "Puppy, we love you so much that I cannot even put it into words. You are the most hard-working, helpful and encouraging person I've ever met. You were like a brother to me, but now you mean even more to me. I cannot even imagine my life without you three, and to be honest, I don't want to." And that's when Donghyuck started crying again, because it was just too much to bear. How could they have been so stupid not to notice anything Jeno has just told them? Or maybe his third boyfriend was just too good at hiding. Or maybe both. He didn't know anymore.

It took a few minutes when Haechan calmed down. That's when Renjun started speaking, looking firmly into Jeno's eyes. "I want you to know that you are worth it. You are worth suffering for, you are worth worrying about, you are worth taking care of and you are worth loving. And it doesn't matter how broken or hurt you are, because as long as we are together, we can solve evertying. So no more secrets, okay?"

"No more secrets." Jeno promised them and found that he really mean it. He is tired of doing this alone. He needs help and he finally can see it, too.

"Together we will solve everything." Jaemin nodded as well with a huge smile on his face and Donghyuck instantly agreed. With their help, Jeno will be alright. Together they will pull through this hard period.

**Author's Note:**

> It's my first completed English story, so I'm sorry if there are any grammatical mistakes. English is not my first language.


End file.
